I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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