Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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