Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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