rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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