ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
