Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
