of course. lets lasso hookers.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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