what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
