So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
