sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
