Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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