her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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