im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
