why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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