I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
