I just saw a hot homeless man
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
