All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
