im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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