dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
