I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
