words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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