Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
