these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found your dick twin last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
