On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
