I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
