I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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