I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
