the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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