you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
