just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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