New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize