Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize