Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
two words...techno handjob
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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