I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Blood and glitter go together right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
