You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
