Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just invented taco cereal.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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