next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
