I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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