I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
