I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
