hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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