Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
