We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
