Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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