Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
