You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
