I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
false alarm. still invincible.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
