dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
