We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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