a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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