i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
