He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
