I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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