I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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