I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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