it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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