Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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