and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
