Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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