At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
