I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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