Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
