I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i permit you to call me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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