Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
