i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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