I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
