What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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