ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
