ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We need to rekindle our bromance
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
