So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
